Fruit cake

Why a small town in Georgia would actually want to be known as the fruitcake capital of the world is something we’ll never understand. That’s one fact most people would want to keep to themselves.

Fruit cake is easily the most hated cake in the existence of baking. It’s dense, overly sweet and surprisingly heavy for its size. Sure, some people like this seasonal baked good, but we don’t really trust them. Who in their right mind wants to eat something that looks like this:

(And to be fair, this is the best picture of fruit cake we could find.)

Here at HuffPost Taste, we like to think ourselves as food lovers, not haters. We love doughnuts and melted cheese, whipped cream and sriracha — we’ve even written them love letters. But when it comes to fruit cake, all we feel is hate. In our hearts, fruit cake does not deserve a declaration of love, but the very opposite of one. This is the anti love letter. Fruit cake, we hate you, let us count the ways.

We hate fruit cake’s fluorescent candied fruit pieces. Why must its candied fruit look radioactive?

(Photo credit: Ringo Ichigo)

We hate that fruit cake looks pockmarked and diseased. And yet, it’s somehow suppose to look appetizing.

(Photo credit, Flickr: jeffreyw)

Fruit cake is labeled as a cake; and this is incredibly misleading. No self-respecting cake would ever be this dense. A door stop is a better descriptor — and what most people use this seasonal baked good for.

(Photo credit, Flickr: Brett Jordan)

But why? Why is it so bad?? Our best guess is because it’s aged. That’s right, fruit cake is AGED. Which is a great idea for fine wines, but clearly a terrible one when it comes to cake.